Since being thrust into the office work world in March 2011, I’ve noticed some pretty annoying office behaviours that I think are both mind-blowingly aggravating as well as comical. As I have been in mainly administrator and assistant roles, I have had the opportunity to experience all of these first hand, and frustratingly have been able to do zilch about it.
1. The Shuffler
That guy that goes to the printer and picks up the whole load of stuff you just printed – in alphabetical order – then shuffles it all up to find his Groupon deal in the midst. When you get the printouts, the Z’s are with the O’s and Sally Smith’s accounting reports are chillin’ with your employee file letters like they’ve always been there, when in fact, they have not. Damn you, Mr. Shuffler.
2. The Pusher
And I’m not talking about that creepy girl in the parking lot always trying to sell you little white pills. Nope, I’m talking about that person, who, when their assistant is away, drops a big pile of work on your desk like you volunteered to do it. And you didn’t. But their assistant is sick, and this has to be somebody’s problem, and because you’re typically pretty friendly toward Ms. Pusher and she likes your shirt, she picks you. I liken this to how Brock, when faced with a battle, always chooses Pikachu despite being small and weak, and Pikachu can’t say no because a) he doesn’t talk and b) Brock doesn’t really give him the option as to whether or not he gets to fight. The pusher prays on the Pikachus of the workplace.
3. The Slammer
Oh, slammer, how I detest thee. This person both slams doors when leaving rooms, and bursts into doors when entering them. This person’s sole mission in life is to ensure the assistant has a heart attack before she turns 25. He usually thinks you were doing something terrible on your computer when you jump as he enters the room, but in reality it’s simply that his sudden, and usually loud, presence alarms you.
4. The Alert-er
This person is actually quite likable. They don’t mean to bug anyone, they’re merely concerned and, essentially, considerate of their coworkers. This person is the woman who feels the need to alert you every.single.time. your phone rings. If you’re sitting at your desk watching your phone ring yet not answering it: “Hey, Daisy! Your phone is ringing!”. If you’re on lunch, trying to find some peace in your day: “Hey, Daisy? Daisy!!! Daisy? Anyone know where Daisy is? Her phone is ringing” (you hear this faintly through the closet door that you’ve locked yourself in to avoid the Alerter’s alerts). If you’re avoiding a phone call because you made a mistake and don’t want to own up to it, this person will pick up your phone for you, and come find you with it. The alerter is the most tolerable, because they mean well, but sometimes… ::headdesk:::
5. The Meeter
This guy would like nothing more than to have meetings all day, every day, 365. It’s truly his favourite activity, so much so that you can envision him calling a dinner meeting at home, or scheduling in a “bedtime story” meeting with his kids before bed.
The Meeter will force his colleagues into a meeting for every last thing, including but not limited to:
- His half birthday
- YOUR half birthday
- A coworker’s mistake
- A coworker’s hard work
- Selling girl guide cookies for his kid
- To learn how to operate the printer
- To discuss a minor detail on a project
- To discuss a major detail on a project
- To discuss a major detail on somebody else’s project
- To book a meeting.
The meeter will typically assume that you, like him, cannot keep your day organized without frequent and detailed notifications in your Outlook calendar, and force these invitations on you which clutter your Outlook calendar and pop up with a notice every five minutes to alert you of yet another meeting.
There are no words. These are the people who bring tuna, salmon, or really any member of the fish family to work for lunch, and then proceed to use the common microwave to heat it up. If they don’t use the microwave, they’ll wander around with their tuna sandwhich, spreading the stench of tuna in the air (particularly in your personal office, which is small and has no window), for all to gag over. I hate this person to no end. If you are this person, you should go reconsider your life now. Kthnx.
Do you have any of these personalities at work? Which one is your most hated?