I remember being a teenager and watching Friends and thinking about how cool it would be to live in an apartment. I thought that they were the perfect little living quarters; not too much to clean (of course, I was a lazy teenager), too far off the ground for most bugs, and neighbors so close that you could become BFFs with them, a la pretty much every sitcom ever.
Fast forward into adulthood and living in an apartment makes me lose faith in humanity.
Guys, humans are ANNOYING.
My god. In the past five years of apartment living, I’ve lived in a wide variety. Nice, new buildings. Apartments in houses. Houses converted into apartments. And old, not so nice buildings (current). It doesn’t matter what type of building you live in, the annoyingness of human beings just can’t be escaped.
I refuse to be left out of the “annoying human being” category. I bark and growl (loudly) at my dog when we play. Sometimes, I find it appropriate to tickle my boyfriend until he screams (and even thereafter). I play Justin Bieber really loud when I’m cleaning on Sunday mornings and I’m sorry, but if your clothes are hanging out in the dryer all dry but taking up space, I’m the girl that will take it out (underwear and all) and dump it on the top of the machine so that I can use the machine. Get over it.
But man, my neighbors have really taken the cake some days. Apartment living is what makes me hate renting so, unbelievably much.
I have, in the span of 4 years, had neighbors that have done or currently do the following:
- I used to live under a drug-dealer couple and their young baby. They would have drug induced parties where they would laugh, at the same pitch, volume, and inflection for ten minutes straight (loudly) at 2:00 AM in the morning, with their baby screaming and shut in the next room (the one right above us) and nobody tending to it. And I was told by many people that it would be inappropriate to call CPS.
- A building that the boy and I lived in had a property manager who was in his 50′s, dating a girl with whom I went to school. He met her because she was his daughter’s roommate. They spent that summer drinking at the pool and he fired all of the groundskeepers in a drunken rage one day. He didn’t hire new ones and that winter, when trying to go down to the underground parking, somebody slid into the garage door because we didn’t have anyone to shovel or salt the driveway.
- A building wherein every Sunday morning, 7:00 AM sharp, like clockwork, a grown man would stand outside by his truck, right outside our balcony doors, and barf.
- This same building, and the same man, would frequently put porn on his 70+” TV screen (which faced the window) and leave the blinds up. And watch it. During the day.
- A building with two dogs that lived above us that never shut up. They also had a habit of pooping by the door that separated us and their apartment, which was neither sound nor smell proof.
- A neighbor who, in a crack-induced fit, yelled at his girlfriend upstairs that he was going to throw her off of the balcony. That fight lasted for over 11 hours, until I called the cops.
- A neighbor who knocked on our door to asked if we had $20 to spare.
While I’m living in these torture boxes, I can’t help but constantly dream about buying a house.
What about you – how do you feel about apartment living?