I’m 35 now and my sister and I have been dealing with irresponsible parents our entire lives and like many of you things are beginning to happen. They are divorced, dad is an extreme alchoholic hermit who lives in a cabin out in the woods. He does have his own business as a machinist and was once fairly successful but since then has let the business deteriorate and alchohol has pretty much consumed him. Started happening mainly when his girlfriend at the time died from an alchohol overdose. I’ve been paying his property taxes, thankfully he was at least smart enough to purchase and pay off his home when he was productive.. now he just can’t afford the property taxes and would rather spend what little money he does have on smokes and beer. We send him food from time to time, he rarely eats. He keeps saying that he’s going to end up living with my sister or myself but either one of us can handle him. his drinking problems make him very abusive, he’s just a person you wouldn’t ever want to have around your family, or children.

Mother recently lost her husband to cancer. They also lived extremely wrecklessly over the years. He was a laborer who made pretty decent money but decided never to invest in health insurance. On top of that they both would chain smoke, eat terribly, and live generally unhappy and negative lives. Finally all of the lifestyle choices caught up with them and when he got cancer, there was no insurace to get him through treatments and they lost everything. Savings, home, possessions, all of it. He did end up getting through treatment and even quitting smoking which was amazing, but in remission he caught pnemonia (no help to my mother continuing to chain-smoke in a non-ventilated apartment in his presence) and ultimately passed away. She continues to lead this terrible lifestyle, eating mcdonalds and other sugar-heavy foods when she’s diabetic, smoking a pack a day when she can barely walk across the room without losing her breath. She’s been slowly draining my grandmother’s (her mom) savings account by refusing to get a job or do anything to improve her situation, and has recently moved in with my sister – who is beginning to crack due to the stress and severity of the situation.

I’ve done pretty well for myself in life but it’s so sad to see most of my friend’s parents beginning to retire, travel, enjoy their lives while mine slowly get worse and worse, ultimately putting the burdon on us.

I don’t mind taking care of her at all. However, I know I’m the only financially sound one in the family, so basically I’ll be paying and doing everything. My brothers and sisters won’t be helping much. It stresses me out too. I try to talk to my parents about it, getting insurance, setting my stepmom up after my dad dies. They just won’t do anything.

It sucks. I guess it’s that powdered butt syndrome. They changed my diapers so they won’t take my advice….

It’s so great to have sibling support in these cases, hey? I’m glad your mom is employed, though, even if she’s under employed. At least she can get CPP that way!

That’s tough, I’m sorry to hear about your father. It’s difficult when you dont’ get along with parents to fathom having to take care of them, hey!?

That’s scary. I too am scared that, especially with all of my parents, I won’t even be able to provide for my own future family if I had to take care of all of them. Luckily my mom and stepdad have it together. Although they too are doing the whole “acquisition years” thing – they just bought a $10,000 boat and go on vacations a couple of times a year, and still have a huge mortgage balance (two of them) and plan to retire in 5 years. But they’re smart and will figure it out.

You’re so right though, about generations living in the same home not because older ones burned through their money. It’s sort of inconsiderate of my dad to do this to us, but he’s a good person and I just think he’s irresponsible enough to not even consider it.

I wish that I could say he would use his GIS and OAS to live on, but I have no doubt he’ll burn through it on stupid things. He’s just like that. I love him, but OMG. I think that’s probably a good idea. Thanks for the thoughts!

But I have a different opinion on this than you. While I don’t think it should automatically be assumed that children take care of their parents financially in retirement, I wouldn’t mind it. I’ve even talked to David about whether or not we would let his father move in with us when he gets too old to take care of himself. (This was before his father was awarded disability and had employment.) My parents took great care of me for the first 18 years of my life, so I wouldn’t let them struggle through their last years just because they made some stupid decisions. It would be a stressor, sure, but I bet they were pretty stressed out having to pay for all the things 3 kids required when we were growing up. Yes, they chose to have kids, but… I don’t know. I would consider it an honor to help them in any way I could if they needed it since they’ve always been there for me.