Dear whomever this may concern:
While I appreciate your drive to make money so that you can buy winter booties for your dog and another cardigan sweater from BCBG instead of paying down your debt, please stop sending me sly little texts and Facebook messages pretending you care about my life but secretly steering the conversation to a spiel about whatever craptastic product that you are slinging these days.
I’m sure that you “wouldn’t be promoting it unless it was a great product that you believed in”, and I’m confident that you felt the same about the $300/month life insurance package you were slinging last month too.
And while I’m sure the smoothie that you are selling really did make you lose 4 lbs in a week, I could starve myself for free and lose 4 lbs in a week, and frankly I find your sudden interest in me buying this weight loss product slightly insulting.
I appreciate your enthusiasm for that skincare line that you are pushing, but when you force the $15 trial package on me and expect me to become “hooked” just because “you like it” (cough it makes the most commission cough), don’t be insulted when I mention the slightly unsettling texture of the aforementioned product or the fact that a $5 bottle of Nivea does the job much better and doesn’t make me break out.
I’m sure that the claims that MonaVie can cure diseases are sound and reliable, however, I do not have cancer (to my knowledge), nor do I have $50 to shell out for one bottle of over hyped grape juice. And while I’m sure it did clear up your cough, I hear of these free things called doctors that you can go and see to do the exact same thing. But who knows, maybe doctors are a scam.
Really, thank you for the invite to the “passion party”, as you’ve cleverly dubbed it. You’re absolutely right, there’s nothing awkward at all about sitting in a circle with a whole bunch of women that you don’t really like, learning all about the new…erm.. technology that is on the market these days in the.. ahhh.. “adult” industry.
Next time you try to sell something to me, I sincerely hope it’s Girl Guide cookies because I’ve got you covered for that one. Otherwise, I’ll pass on the overpriced catalogue jewelry that ends up looking like I bought it from Claires.