Much like keeping a long-distance friendship alive, maintaining a long-distance relationship brings with it another level of challenge that most relationships don’t have to deal with. Whether you see each other each weekend, each month, or just each year, here are a few ideas to help you get to know your long-distance partner better on a budget:
Set Reasonable Boundaries and Communicate Them
The first step in long-distance relationship happiness is to have a frank discussion about how often and how you would like to communicate. This doesn’t have to do with your financial budget so much as your time budget: if one person feels bogged down by the need to connect and communicate, and the other feels ignored without daily texts and emails, you’re headed for troubled ground.
Instead, set expectations up front about what an “average” week or month would look like. Daily phone calls? Weekly Skype dates? Or weekly phone calls and monthly Skype dates? Only the two of you can create a schedule that will leave you both comfortable.
Vary Timing and Locations for Your Planned Visits
There are number of strategic add-ons you can use to give your long-distance relationship visits more POW (or, more importantly, less dough!).
First, if your long-distance situation is occurring later in life, you can use that to advantage by avoiding the traditional school schedule. Plan visits and vacations for less-popular travel times (like Tuesdays and Wednesdays) and far away from traditional holidays when transportation prices spike.
Then, don’t settle for simply passing visits between each other. Much like working with long-distance friendships, make plans to visit a new, fun location together for a chance to get to know each other even better… as tourists! Pick a location equidistant or near to relatives and explore a new city together.
Spend Time Together Doing Normal Things (Just on Skype)
The main downside of a long-distance relationship is simply not being able to get to know each other through normal, everyday activities. That special sense of “hanging out” isn’t as easy to manage. That’s where Skype comes in.
Use Skype creatively, not just for starting at each other. Do everyday activities using Skype or Apple’s FaceTime tool. Share a meal via Skype, including the cooking and plating part in the kitchen. Do yoga together, or go for a walk around the house. Watch TV together. Make room for those “hangout times” so you get a sense of normalcy.
Exchange Journals to Take the Pressure Off the Phone
You can’t be there for everything — and that’s where a journal could come in! For times when you don’t catch up every day, but don’t want to lose track of each other, exchange journals by mail every month or so. That will let you share in the day-to-day aspects without necessarily having the same conversation via phone. (Because, really, how many times do you need to hear about “How my day was?”).
The best part? Journals can ship as book rate or media mail rate, so it’s cheaper than mailing lots of letters. It’s a great strategy for feeling closer and more intimate without feeling overwhelmed by everyday communication.
Have you ever been in a long-distance relationship? What tips would you share to make it through?
I used to be skeptical about long-distance relationships. I thought there’s no way it can survive. But then, my daughter, the eldest of my brood, proved it can work. After 8 years of having a long-distance relationship with her first and only boyfriend, they got married in July of this year. What kept them together despite the distance? Skype.
What a wonderful story! Thank you for sharing!
While I haven’t been in a long distance romantic relationship (my wife wouldn’t like that much), I have had a long distance relationship with my two kids in college recently. We use Google hangouts to keep the family dynamic alive. We also have found that writing big events on the calendar that we can support each other from far away. There’s nothing better than getting out of a big meeting to find my kids texting me “how’d it go?”
What a fantastic idea! I love that, and it saves the trouble of having to constantly be asking what’s up or what’s on the horizon.
The first part about setting expectations is key, that’s something my brother really struggled with while in a long distance relationship. He was drowning in school while his partner wanted to talk on the phone for an hour a day… That one took quite awhile to work out.
My brother had the same experience during a tough time at school. Such an important part of the conversation so that no one feels ignored, but that no one feels too crowded, either!
Skype is definitely a lifesaver. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. After about 3 months together, I went to grad school in England for a year and he went to go work on a cruise ship in Australia. Even finding time to Skype was rough because of the time zone issues. We definitely learned during that time that you need to find your limit on how long you can be apart and stick to it. We did one stretch during that year from November to the end of April that was ridiculous and horrible, until it pretty much came down to “get off that ship and come see me or don’t both coming at all.” And I didn’t even mean it meanly at the time, it just became more than I could handle.
On the flip side, we spent the last two or three months before he came planning a big trip to Belgium and Amsterdam together, so having projects that you’re working on together definitely helps.
Wow, yeah, that sounds rough! And planning something big together is a great idea!
I haven’t really tried being in a long-distance relationship with a partner. But Skype is indeed very helpful in maintaining a wonderful relationship with some friends and relatives that are working abroad for us to keep updated with each other.
Yep! Just over the holidays, I used it to see my brother on the opposite coast. So neat!