As much as it’s seen as lavish and silly in the (especially) personal finance and lifestyle blogosphere, I wanted a big wedding. Not big as in expensive, but big as in well celebrated. When I got engaged, I pictured a wedding where all of the people who are really important to me, and all of the people who are really important to J surround us with love and a little bit of nostalgia and send us off on our journey toward married life.
The thing is, I have a lot of people in my life that are really important to me. I make people a priority, and even if I don’t see them all on a regular basis, I have some absolutely amazing family and friends. I am not of the camp that believes weddings are about the couple only. I have never uttered the words “this is MY DAY”, because it’s not just my day. It’s my mom’s day, and my dad’s day, and J’s day, and his parent’s day. It’s a day to celebrate the community that supports, and has supported the couple as individuals and as a couple. I believe that it’s about family, friends, and loved ones celebrating and coming together.
My one wish for my wedding was that my favourite people could be there. I could do without the beautiful dress (though luckily, I didn’t need to) and without elaborate centrepieces and Pinterest-worthy invitations, but not without absolutely everybody who I love there to celebrate J and I.
Each invitation we sent or hand delivered was done so from our hearts and with the hold-your-breath-and-wait anticipation about the potential guests’ attendance.
We sent the invitations back in January due to the relative remoteness of our venue, and while I am still sure that we made the right decision to send the invitations so early, we didn’t get the immediate, instant satisfaction of receiving responses right away.
In March, we got our first RSVP. When our wedding website sent us an automated email to let us know that somebody had responded, I logged on right away, too impatient to wait for J. My heart fluttered when I opened it and read that the person regretted not being able to attend.
Our next set of RSVPs were all positive, though they trickled in slowly. I have had a few people let me know that they can’t make it verbally, and we sent invitations to some people who we wanted to be there but knew wouldn’t be able to make it from the get go. Even armed with this knowledge, let me tell you something:
The “no”s still sting.
I thought that the couple of tears I shed after the first decline were a result of them being first; of my emotions being raw from my engagement. The handful of no’s that I’ve opened up since then? Those too, surprisingly, solicited the same emotion, the same disappointment, the same sadness.
Is it unreasonable? Absolutely. I’ve reminded myself that not everybody is going to be able to make it, especially when it’s four hours away from where we live. We’re getting married at the peak of wedding season and people have other weddings, prior commitments, plans. I get that. I get that, to many people, weddings are a drag. That it’s just a Saturday night for some, just another wedding they have to attend, one of potentially a handful this year.
The “regrets” hurt, even if the hurt is unreasonable and irrational. Even if it’s my heart and not my brain that winces. But the “yes” RSVPs? Those are elating.
As our RSVP deadline approaches, the responses have been trickling in more quickly. Even if it’s a bridesmaid that RSVPs yes, I still announce the response excitedly to J. He still looks at me like I’m slightly crazy, with a “of course they are coming” remark. I still message my mom with their response as quickly as they come in.
We’ve had some of the warmest wishes and nicest responses. Some people have surprised us with their excitement about the wedding, some have been silent. We’ve received RSVPs, either verbal or formal, from some people who we are delightedly surprised will be able to make it, due to out of town commitments or changes of plans.
I’ve always considered myself a practical person, so I’ve been surprised as to how emotionally charged the planning for this one day is. I often remind myself that it is just one day, and that J and I have been together forever, and that a successful wedding only needs two people.
While I don’t think it’s fair to say that the important people will be there, I can say that those who will be there are important to me.
Our wedding was tiny and local so only a couple people declined (the ones overseas, plus one who had a last minute work trip abroad). I can imagine though how wrenching it must be to not be able to share that day with loved ones. And I guess the bigger the wedding, the higher the odds of guests being unable to make it.
Beautiful dress! I’m sorry to hear you’re getting some regrets 🙁
Whenever I RSVP to a wedding I always write a note on the card. When I was planning my wedding I loved when people wrote little notes on the response card, so I try to do the same.
Those no’s are painful! Even the ones you know will be no’s. It will be a beautiful day with those who are able to make it though! And you’ll be in that gorgeous dress!!!
I think I would get emotional too over the declines of invites. I really like how youdescribed your wedding as in “BIG” meaning well-celebrated.
I think you and I are somewhat alike. I like to think I’m pretty practical, but now we’re actually starting to talk about getting married (!!) and I seem to get quite emotional over these conversations. A future post about this is in the works. 😉
As I sit here, there is a wedding invitation laying next to me which requires my response. While it’s already known that I am going to attend (I’m in the wedding party) I now feel inclined to add a message to my response.
I’ve never thought about being on the side of the bride and groom before, even though my brother and sister have gone through this process. I suppose since both of their weddings were (far) out of town they knew in advance that a lot of people wouldn’t make it. But some of the responses from people that could make it surprised them because of the distance they would need to travel. I hope you got some of those responses too.
I love how you point out: a successful wedding only needs two people.
So true!