There’s a lot of talk in general about boomerang kids, kids that fail to move out of their parents houses or get real jobs, and ones that go through years of schooling just to get a degree that they can’t find work in.
I don’t really have any problem with living with parents until you’re financially stable enough to go out on your own if your parents are cool with it, provided that you’re not making your mother do your laundry, too. I moved out at 18 and was in my first year of school. I wish, to this day, that I’d stayed living with my parents for just a little longer.
One thing that I don’t think that we, as young people, think about enough is whether our parents will require taking care of in their old age.
I hear many jokes from my parents generation, particularly when talking about whether or not one decides to have children, about kids being somewhat of a retirement plan. Parents who failed to save for retirement or pay into a pension plan lean on their adult children to take care of them financially.
In most of the world, particularly the developing world, elders live with their children. In North America, and many parts of Europe, it doesn’t always work that way. Yet many North American parents and parents-to-be seem to see their children as an RRSP.
I think this is an extremely faulty way of thinking, and think that each person, regardless of whether they have children or decide to remain childless, needs to take responsibility of their own financial situation and plan for their own retirements and futures.
There’s some data out there that suggests that baby boomers don’t have enough to retire on; according to this Financial Post article, only a quarter of all baby boomers has a clear idea of what their retirement will hold, and if you think about how quickly retirement is (or should be) approaching for most of that population, that’s a scary number. My hunch is that many boomers are relying mentally on their children to pull them through these years.
This is unfortunate consider most of the boomer’s children are generation Y (millennials). This happens to be my generation, and we have quite the reputation for getting the short end of the financial stick; where our boomer parents were blessed with easily had careers, cheap real estate and affordable post secondary education, inflation and the real estate market hasn’t been as nice to subsequent generations.
Will you have to take care of your aging parents (financially or otherwise) when their older?
That must be frustrating for you. OAS and GIS should be enough for anyone to live on. I’m practically living on that kind of budget right now quite comfortably. But he will need your help for additional medical or emergency costs. Maybe you can look at setting him up with life and CI insurance, and split the cost of the premium between you and your bro. Plan ahead, you’ll do alright.
I wish that I could say he would use his GIS and OAS to live on, but I have no doubt he’ll burn through it on stupid things. He’s just like that. I love him, but OMG. I think that’s probably a good idea. Thanks for the thoughts!
I’m fortunate in as so far that my parents are still together. That hasn’t stopped me from worrying about being placed in the situation you’re describing right here though. While I know they do have *some* retirement savings, I know it’s not nearly enough. Now that my sibling and I have moved out, rather than paying off their mortgage and saving for retirement, they’re participating in what my mom calls their “acquisition years”. Basically they’re buying toys: new vehicles, motor bikes, you name it. Granted they do make their stuff last a long time, but they’re talking about doing this and then retiring early. Their mortgage balance is almost the same as what mine is. I’m terrified that when they run out of money I’ll end up having to support them – which will happen right around the same time I’ll hopefully have a young family. I realize the 3+ generations in a home is normal in most parts of the world, but usually it’s not because the older generation blew through their money and ran out early. Usually the generations work as long as they can, not stop working and spend money because they don’t want to work anymore. I’m worried about ending up paying for high expectations that I can’t afford. Not only that, but I’m worried that being put in this position means that I won’t be able to save enough for my own retirement, and therefore won’t be able to retire at all, let alone early like my parents!
That’s scary. I too am scared that, especially with all of my parents, I won’t even be able to provide for my own future family if I had to take care of all of them. Luckily my mom and stepdad have it together. Although they too are doing the whole “acquisition years” thing – they just bought a $10,000 boat and go on vacations a couple of times a year, and still have a huge mortgage balance (two of them) and plan to retire in 5 years. But they’re smart and will figure it out.
You’re so right though, about generations living in the same home not because older ones burned through their money. It’s sort of inconsiderate of my dad to do this to us, but he’s a good person and I just think he’s irresponsible enough to not even consider it.
I too wish that I would have lived at home longer, I moved out the day after my high school graduation.
And I will most likely have to take care of my mom (my dad passed a couple of years ago). She is a financial mess. I’m dreading it because we don’t get along at all.
That’s tough, I’m sorry to hear about your father. It’s difficult when you dont’ get along with parents to fathom having to take care of them, hey!?
parents sometimes have to let their children make their own mistakes and hope that they’ll learn from these mistakes, because that’s the only way they’ll learn. unfortunately some kids never learn and lead a live of reckless abandon and have that come back to bite them in the ass sooner or later. it sounds like you and your dad have switched places here, you’re acting as the parent and he, the child. It’s unfair and probably difficult, but it doesn’t sound like there’s much you can do at this point but to make your expectations and concerns very clear to him, and hope that he wises up at some point.
I expect to take care of my mom emotionally and maybe physically when she’s older, but she’s good with her finances so I don’t think it’ll be too big of a concern. My dad is like you, financially irresponsible and selffish. He cut me and my mom off financially and emotionally after their split, and have since started a new family. one silver lining out of this is that I will not be taking care of him when he’s old, and I don’t feel too bad about it considering how he’s acted towards me.
sorry, that was supposed to read “my dad is like *your dad*”
Ugh my parents are so bad with money it makes me sick. They are divorced and both remarried, but I think they just remarried people with similar bad habits. Neither of them have retirement savings, both are deeply in debt, and they are CONSTANTLY running out of money. My mom calls my sisters for cash to put gas in her car because her bank account is “frozen” (ie. so far into overdraft the bank would extend any more credit) and my dad won’t reign in his new wife’s ridiculous spending habits (she goes shopping on her lunch break EVERY DAY). I don’t know what they’re going to do in 10 years when they’re 65, but I am NOT supporting them.
My parents are both fairly frugal, although no longer married to each other. I am pretty sure that my Dad & his wife will be alright. And even if they aren’t, they have their children to take care of them. My mother on the other hand went on a 4 year “retirement” stint well before she should have and is now under-employed. I think that she might need some help financially when she finally does retire. Hopefully at that point my little sister will be all grown up and she & I can work something out.
It’s so great to have sibling support in these cases, hey? I’m glad your mom is employed, though, even if she’s under employed. At least she can get CPP that way!
I’m lucky. My mom contributes a fair amount to retirement every month and even plans to be debt free by the time she’s 50 years old. My dad, on the other hand, has contributed nothing to retirement, and he’s five years older than her! Mom is determined to get him set up with a retirement plan soon.
But I have a different opinion on this than you. While I don’t think it should automatically be assumed that children take care of their parents financially in retirement, I wouldn’t mind it. I’ve even talked to David about whether or not we would let his father move in with us when he gets too old to take care of himself. (This was before his father was awarded disability and had employment.) My parents took great care of me for the first 18 years of my life, so I wouldn’t let them struggle through their last years just because they made some stupid decisions. It would be a stressor, sure, but I bet they were pretty stressed out having to pay for all the things 3 kids required when we were growing up. Yes, they chose to have kids, but… I don’t know. I would consider it an honor to help them in any way I could if they needed it since they’ve always been there for me.
I wish both my hubs and I lived at home longer (especially since we have a huge debt from medical school…over $300,000 in student loans). I am taking care of my mom now which is so draining and she is a mess. We are supporting her because of all the high costs of medicine. It is crazy. And she is cranky. I LOVE LOVE LOVE your site. So happy I found you.
I totally know how you feel. My dad is pretty good with money, but that’s not my problem. My stepmom is 18 years younger than him and is originally from South Africa. She has never paid into social security, or any other retirement plan. Neither has my dad. They don’t have life insurance and I’m pretty sure my dad will die before she will, leaving my siblings to take care of her.
I don’t mind taking care of her at all. However, I know I’m the only financially sound one in the family, so basically I’ll be paying and doing everything. My brothers and sisters won’t be helping much. It stresses me out too. I try to talk to my parents about it, getting insurance, setting my stepmom up after my dad dies. They just won’t do anything.
It sucks. I guess it’s that powdered butt syndrome. They changed my diapers so they won’t take my advice….
My parents, unfortunately, never made very much money. My dad being a cook made just above minimum wage and worked at least 60 hrs/week and my mom worked factory jobs and only minimum wage. Both are now in their late 50s and their heath are deteriorating (particularly my dad) so are not able to work as much. From a young age, I always knew that I would need to help my parents out financially one day. They did the best they could throughout their lives, unfortunately it was just not enough in today’s society (we are Asian and immigrated in the early 90s). In the last few years, it was a random amount (an amount that I could afford) that I set aside each month and gave them a lump sum at the end of the year. Starting this year, I am setting aside 10% of my net income for them. I wished I had planned for this expense as soon as I started working full time 10 plus years ago even just by setting aside $25 or $50/month. I didn’t. For the first 5-6 years, I spent all the money I made for myself (traveling). I treated my parents a trip here and there. It was all good and fun. But still, I wish I still set aside a small amount of money for them for emergencies and whatnot.
It’s very difficult taking the role of parent when you are actually the child.
I’m 35 now and my sister and I have been dealing with irresponsible parents our entire lives and like many of you things are beginning to happen. They are divorced, dad is an extreme alchoholic hermit who lives in a cabin out in the woods. He does have his own business as a machinist and was once fairly successful but since then has let the business deteriorate and alchohol has pretty much consumed him. Started happening mainly when his girlfriend at the time died from an alchohol overdose. I’ve been paying his property taxes, thankfully he was at least smart enough to purchase and pay off his home when he was productive.. now he just can’t afford the property taxes and would rather spend what little money he does have on smokes and beer. We send him food from time to time, he rarely eats. He keeps saying that he’s going to end up living with my sister or myself but either one of us can handle him. his drinking problems make him very abusive, he’s just a person you wouldn’t ever want to have around your family, or children.
Mother recently lost her husband to cancer. They also lived extremely wrecklessly over the years. He was a laborer who made pretty decent money but decided never to invest in health insurance. On top of that they both would chain smoke, eat terribly, and live generally unhappy and negative lives. Finally all of the lifestyle choices caught up with them and when he got cancer, there was no insurace to get him through treatments and they lost everything. Savings, home, possessions, all of it. He did end up getting through treatment and even quitting smoking which was amazing, but in remission he caught pnemonia (no help to my mother continuing to chain-smoke in a non-ventilated apartment in his presence) and ultimately passed away. She continues to lead this terrible lifestyle, eating mcdonalds and other sugar-heavy foods when she’s diabetic, smoking a pack a day when she can barely walk across the room without losing her breath. She’s been slowly draining my grandmother’s (her mom) savings account by refusing to get a job or do anything to improve her situation, and has recently moved in with my sister – who is beginning to crack due to the stress and severity of the situation.
I’ve done pretty well for myself in life but it’s so sad to see most of my friend’s parents beginning to retire, travel, enjoy their lives while mine slowly get worse and worse, ultimately putting the burdon on us.