No, surrogacy is not in the plan for me, but there are two things that led me to believe that this post had to be written, and this question had to be asked:
Magazine Stories
I was reading a magazine at the gym (I can’t remember which one), which had a feature on surrogacy. It documented the rise in sister surrogacy as infertility issues become more and more common for women (something which I attribute to the foods that we eat, mainly).
It showed a table that outlined the costs of surrogacy if you were to have a stranger be a surrogate, versus a family member acting as your surrogate.
On both sides of the table, it showed the cost of paying the surrogate for the services – about $15,000 – $30,000. There are also costs for healthcare, legal and administrative costs, and other things. The $15-$30K figure is just for the usage of the surrogate’s body.
I mulled it over for a bit on the treadmill at that time, but then forgot about it.
The Kardashians
Don’t judge me, but I find the Kardashians incredibly entertaining. I was watching an episode of Kourtney and Kim Take Miami (or one of the spin off shows, anyway), that showed Kourtney offer to become a surrogate for Khloe, one of the sisters who was at the time having trouble getting pregnant.
Obviously, the one sister was not offering with a financial agenda; the Kardashians all have more than enough money, and the show portrayed her as being concerned for her sister and wanting to help (plus, even the high end of the cost of surrogacy at $30,000 is pocket change for a Kardashian).
So I got to thinking…
Is charging a family member or friend to be a surrogate for their baby common practice? (Not that surrogacy in general is common practice, but within the surrogate community).
Also..
Would you charge somebody close to you to be a surrogate for their child?
Note that this is not a question of whether or not you would be a surrogate; you can never really know until you are in that situation. The answer may be yes now, but if put in the situation, you may change your mind. Plus, it depends on the relationship that you would have with the family and a whole bunch of factors.
Let’s say that you agreed to be a surrogate for somebody very close to you. Would you expect to be paid?
I mean, yes, I think medical bills (for US readers) and the costs of maternity clothes and all other things that pregnancy and surrogacy leads to, would be paid by the parents-to-be regardless of your relationship with them, but what about the cost of the usage of your womb to grow the child?
So I want to know. If you were approached by your best friend or sister, to become a surrogate for them, would you expect compensation?
Pregnancy is pretty demanding. It could result in you having to take time off from your own job which would result in less income. Furthermore, your body will NEVER be the same. If you’ve already had kids of your own or are planning too, then ok whatever, but what if you didn’t want children? Would you still want your body permanently changed for that?
I think for my sister or best friend I probably wouldn’t expect compensation. I think I’d just be happy to help them out. I think charging kind of falls under “selling your body”. I wouldn’t charge a friend or family member for a kidney so why make them pay a fee to rent my uterus?
I’ve honestly never thought about the financial element of surrogacy, partly because I’d likely never agree to be a surrogate! However, I think someone would be completely justified in requesting some form of financial compensation for this service. In addition to the physical and emotional impact of the pregnancy itself, there’s the whole labor thing and the potential dangers associated with delivery. Plus, giving away the baby at the end of all of it could be devastating for a time. It takes a strong person to be a surrogate and though I don’t have that strength, I think people who do should be compensated. Thought-provoking post!
Without a doubt yes for a friend and maybe for a family member. You are putting your body through a lot.
Yes – It’s not like they’re asking if they can park their lawnmower in your garage. Being pregnant is an incredible strain on the body. There’s morning sickness and fatigue early on, plus chances of complications, not to mention the birth itself and the 6 weeks – 6 months it takes to recover. If I was going to put myself through that much of an ordeal, I would need at least a little financial compensation, if only to spend on getting myself back to normal, no matter who it was.
Beyond expenses, no. There is no price that someone could pay me to do that; it would only be as a gift to a loved one. So I would have no way to put a price on it anyway. The reward would be in helping that family.
Wow..no one has commented yet?
So this is something my hubby and I have talked about. There’s a high possibility if we end up wanting kids, I will not be able to have them physically due to a medical condition. My husband casually brought up the subject of surrogacy to his sister, and she quickly turned him down. My hubby then even said, we would pay you, and she still said no.
So there it is.
Yeah, no amount of money could make me do it. That and donating eggs–no amount of money would make it okay for my DNA to be out there and/or for a pregnancy to occur in my body, two things are completely against my personal beliefs.
It would probably work better if the surrogate isn’t someone close like a family member. I can totally understand why his sister said no. It’s hard to go through a pregnancy and just give the kid away. She would be painfully reminded every time she saw the child. Easier if it’s someone you probably won’t see again.
If all was taken care of, including time off work for recovery, etc., I wouldn’t charge a best friend or sister for womb rental for 9 months. I would, however, be pissed if they weren’t pampering the crap out of me! Ice cream! I’d require up front a lot of ice cream.
It is illegal to accept a fee for being a surrogate here in Canada.
I could not do it for a friend or relative for free because I would always want to put in my opinion on the way they are rearing the child because I would feel like I had a right to even though I know that I have no rights to the child.
I could also not raise seeing eye dog from a puppy until he was ready to go to training school because I just get too attached to the lives in my life.
I don’t believe it’s right to use someone else’s body or your own for the sake of vanity for procreation. If you’re childless…adopt….or learn to live with it.
I would only be a surrogate for somebody closed to me that I love. I could never carry the baby and “give it away” but could give the baby to the parents as long as I was still in the baby’s life. That said, I would never charge somebody that close to me. It would be my gift and I would be well aware of the inconveniences of pregnancy.
My best friend was having a hard time conceiving and I told her I’d be a surrogate if she needed one (I’ve not had my own kids yet, so I’m not sure how I’d do in terms of morning sickness, weight gain etc. I’m also not sure they’d let me be a surrogate without having my own kids first?), but for people I love, I’d absolutely be a surrogate if I was physically able. I’d want them to help with medical expenses if there were any, but I wouldn’t ask for payment, I’d be doing it out of love.
No you can’t be a surrogate if you have never had a child before. It is too expensive to gamble on someone who cannot prove they can have a full term healthy pregnancy. I know this because I am currently a surrogate for my sister.
Oh NO. I don’t need to be faced with the situation to say that under no circumstances would I ever EVER have a pregnancy in my body. Not at any time for any reason for any person. No, no, NO.
tough one. Surrogacy is forbidden in France period. You adopt through a state agency and don’t pay anything but a small fee. The baby is already born and given up when you know it is being given to you. I think it is great because it removes all the drama should the surrogate change her mind. As to accepting money, I wouldn’t need it but think I would charge something to treat is as a contract and have no way to keep the child.
I guess I would expect the person to pay for the additional costs of being pregnant. No, I wouldn’t charge a loved one for surrogacy, but I would expect them to pay for my doctor’s co-pays and maternity close and the lost income from being out of work.
I definitely think there should be some sort of financial compensation. I think it would be wrong of a person to just expect it for free…
Also, when I say financial compensation, it could mean anything: money for lost income, insurance and medical costs, and so on.
Holly also loves the Kardashians, so no judging here. I’d say that I think it depended on the situation. Obviously, medical costs and lost wages should be paid for. I’m not sure if we would charge the baby rent though.
With that said, I obviously would not be the one carrying the baby…:)
I would say YES. After what my wife went through for almost 9-10 months. Why would a person even expect you’d do it for free they should come to you saying I will pay for you to do xyz. Its a lot of hardwork and effort then to ask the woman to give up the baby talk about the emotional problems the could persist.
I would probably charge something for the time I would have to take off work there in the last month and right after birth. So covering that “vacation time” and the medical stuff would be enough for me. I don’t know if my husband would be okay with it though…he’d definitely be left with a different…ummm…playground than I would have had before hand. 😉
I actually am a paid surrogate for a couple right now (for the second time – I delivered their daughter last year and am expecting their son in 6 weeks). That being said, after this, I would only consider it again for a very close family member, like a sibling. And although for my siblings I would be willing to carry their child for free, there would still be significant costs to them, since I would not be willing to bear the additional related costs (which can be significant). Being pregnant is a lot of work, and there’s a lot of things I’ve had to do (or limitations I’ve had) that I haven’t even had with my own children, so I don’t feel bad accepting compensation. However, for one of my siblings, I feel like I would be more willing to make the sacrifice without any compensation (as would my immediate family, since my being pregnant is work and stress on them, too).
For us, we didn’t tell any family (other than our kids) that I was going to be a surrogate until after I was matched…don’t remember if our contracts were done when I told my parents or not. For my parents, I was “armed” w/papers explaining surrogacy as well as a copy of my IP’s profile, so that my parents could sort of get to know them too. They weren’t even phased when I told them. They know me well enough to know that I research the crap out of EVERYTHING before making a big decision. They were wonderful and very supportive. (and they loved that I was matched w/a gay couple) I told my mom’s side of the family at a graduation open house for 1 of my 2nd cousin’s. While I don’t see them all that often, they hear things through the grapevine and I do see certain one’s on occasion as we live in the same town. As they are “older”, I wasn’t sure how they would react, but all of them were very supportive and encouraging. Now, my MIL knows as she lives w/us, and my FIL and his side of the family know that I’m a surrogate, but they don’t know I carry for gay couples. That I think would be too much for them to handle. They are supportive of me being a surrogate, but just don’t talk about it much at all. The ONLY negative reactions I’ve ever gotten were from non-family members.
A lot of you seem to be very unaware of the whole process. I am a surrogate for my sister, in Canada, where you cannot pay surrogates but you are still expected to compensate for lost wages and cover any pregnancy related costs. You cannot be a surrogate if you have never had a full term healthy pregnancy and there are different types of surrogates. I am a gestational surrogate, which is more common, which means the eggs used were my sisters. The babies I am carrying are not mine, they are hers. I will not have any trouble handing them over to her. I have my own child and these two are hers, end of story. And for those of you who say you wouldn’t want to do it because of what it would do to your body, well that’s just ignorant and you have clearly never had children. My body was not the same, it was actually better, three months after giving birth to my daughter. My skin looked the same and I weighed less. Our bodys were built for this and women have been doing since our existence.
Hi K,
Thanks for stopping by 🙂 I appreciate the comments. My post wasn’t meant to explain the process or even ask anybody what it was, but just to find out that IF possible, would you ask for money to be a surrogate. There are many countries that don’t allow for surrogacy compensation, and there are many barriers to the process and people have different biases and opinions. Essentially I wasn’t asking whether people would or wouldn’t do it (which I addressed in the post), but whether IF they did it, and IF possible, they would accept compensation for it (all barriers to this aside).
Thanks so much for educating some of us about the process, though, as it’s certainly interesting.