How We Handle Conflicting Financial Goals

J and I got married last month, and just before the wedding we started to take measures toward combining our finances. Despite having lived together for the past six years, it wasn’t until recently that we decided to start pooling our money. One of the biggest reasons I didn’t want to combine finances prior to marriage, was that we had and still have some differing financial goals.

Not all of our goals differ; in the long-term, we are generally on the same page. We both want to sell or rent out our home to move to a smaller community locally, where we plan to buy a chunk of land so we can enter the vacation rental business. We both have a goal to retire early, to have children, and to be able to go on at least one trip per year together. These are common goals which will guide the paths of our life together.

However, we are different people. We have different brains, personalities, and dreams. I’ve never believed that once you are married, you have to give up your individual dreams if your spouse is not on the same page, and we refuse to live like that.

J’s priority is to be able to buy a decent truck when his is no longer functional, and I am working hard toward saving $12,000 for travel within the next 7 months. J is not interested in travelling extensively, but I still plan to see as much of the world as possible.

Differing dreams and goals which have a huge impact on finances may seem like a big deal in a marriage, but for us it has been completely manageable. In fact, even though we’ve only been married for a month, we’ve been together for seven years, and we have learned to make it work. Both of us are happier for it.

We Designate Certain Amounts to Each Goal

We have one advantage over many recently married couples, and that’s that we are what many would consider “high earners” for our ages. I just transferred to a role that gave me a decent raise (because i’m temporary) and J chose a trade as a career path. He has 10 years of experience on his shoulders and works for a commercial construction company, which pays quite well.

As a result, we have a chunk of change to put aside each month (especially now that we aren’t paying for the wedding!) and we don’t take saving money lightly.

After the bills are paid, we have a large disposable income, so we’re able to designate a large portion of income to our savings for each goal. When we earned less, we still made goals and saved for them, but we made smaller, more realistic goals that matched our situation at the time.

In the interest of privacy, I won’t disclose exact numbers, but let’s just say our monthly savings is broken down like this:

• 20% RRSP
• 20% TFSA
• 20% investments
• 20% J’s goal
• 20% my goal

(This isn’t the actual breakdown, but for illustration purposes, it will work).

We do put money away each month to go toward savings for common financial goals, such as future children.

Any Money Earned On Top Of Regular Income Is Fair Game

I earn a lot of side income from my various businesses and “hustles”. I’m easily bored and have narrowed my side work down to only that which I love to do, so I thoroughly enjoy all of my money-making endeavours enough to continue with them consistently.

On the other hand, J has a physically demanding day job and not as much passion for entrepreneurship, so he doesn’t make any extra money on the side. Because I work 30-40 hours more than he does every week to make the extra money, most of the extra money that I make goes toward my goals.

To be clear, this isn’t a hard and fast rule, but rather something that has been established over the course of our relationship and J’s general distaste for working more than he has to.

It works out great for us as a couple, because often the savings left over from my designated portion of the disposable income gets contributed to his goal, or a joint goal.

If J decided that he really, really wanted heated seats in his future new truck, and decided to pick up a weekend job to pay for it, then he’d be able to use his earnings for the luxurious goodness of heated seats.

We Both Do Our Best to Get What We Can For Cheaper/Free

Instead of just paying cash for whatever it is that we want, we both do our best to keep our goal savings in the bank and get whatever it is that we wanted for less, or even free.

For instance, I have two credit cards that give me travel rewards points to put toward free flights and accommodation on my trips. As it stands right now, I have the equivalent of a free flight on my American Express Gold Rewards Card, enough Airmiles for another free international flight (or 3-4 domestic/US trips) and yet another free domestic/US flight with a companion fare from my Westjet RBC World Elite Mastercard.

Instead of being foolish and going to a dealership to buy a brand new truck, J will try to find a truck that has been used but is in good condition, either through an owner sale or a dealership (alternatively, at an auction, but that’s a whole other post).

Sometimes, there are things that one of us wants to buy that we can’t swing a bargain for, but it’s an effort that we both have made for our smaller purchases and that I will be making for my travel expenses.

 We Are Supportive and Understanding

I’ve touched on this before, but we are different people, and understand that we therefore have different ideas of what we consider “fun”. J would rather carve his eyes out with a spoon than spend any time in a city like Hong Kong, whereas I would jump at the opportunity (and try to make my own opportunities) to visit that city.

Just because he doesn’t want to travel as much as I do, doesn’t mean I would be willing to give up that dream, nor would he expect that of me (and if he did, I wouldn’t have married him).

I expect my car to last for years to come, and it’s already paid for; I will get little benefit of J having a truck, but I understand that it’s important to him to have a truck, and he values toys more than he does travel, so I am supportive of his future purchase of one.

It helps that we are both financially stable and responsible, and neither of us is looking to go out and buy something unreasonable. Having differing financial goals can be difficult on a couple but I think we balance it well.